One Lonely Geek

I hope this link doesn't expire, this is a story of a very lonely man, who had spent his life playing too much D&D and too many video games, and eating Cheetos.
This is perhaps, the alternate ending to the productive period of my own life, if I had chosen a different path.
He kidnapped a woman (his ex-girlfriend) at sword point? I have not the words for the loneliness tht would possess a man to do this. Maybe bladed weapons make her hot, but she wasn't in the mood, so she pressed charges, which makes her even hotter. He did not intend, it seems, to harm her, he just couldn't get a date by other means. (at least that's what I get out of it.)

(puff puff pass, fool.)
The woman was unharmed. Police found also a 6-foot Boa constrictor, and that is significant to this story in what way, exactly?